


From The Heart

by brokenhighways



Series: Bubblegum Kiss [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Absent Parents, Birthday Presents, Fluff and Angst, Love Letters, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 04:49:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5034334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s Jared’s birthday and Jensen has no idea what to get him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From The Heart

**Author's Note:**

> It's my birthday and I have no idea what to get myself either :P **Timestamp for Bubblegum Kiss (Of Death)**

They’ve been together properly for about a year, been through as many rough patches as good, but they’re still here. For Jensen, it’s all about making sure he doesn’t screw things up or screw himself up. And that, as his therapist keeps reminding him, means that he has to get used to civilian life. 

It’s hard. 

A creaky pipe has him reaching for his shotgun. An unwelcome touch sends him spiralling into defence mode. Loud voices make his brain freeze up, and sometimes he can’t move. He can’t do anything but crawl up into a ball and wait for them to stop. That’s rare though, especially now that he has some routine with Jared. 

They don’t live together, at least not anymore. Apparently, almost shooting your boyfriend at 3am when he’s getting a glass of water is kind a deal breaker when it comes to cohabiting. 

So he moved in with Chris, and they’re doing that now. Living with Chris isn’t much better but Jensen thinks it’s helping his former comrade. During the day, they go about their jobs, and at night, when it gets to quiet – they talk. It’s good. Normal. They could almost pass for normal. 

“I was hanging out with your boy today,” Chris says as he takes a swig from his drink can. It’s Pepsi, even though Jensen keeps telling him it’ll rot his teeth. He doesn’t pester him though; the alternative is far worse. “He said that you won’t tell him what you got him for his birthday.” Jensen grimaces and turns to face the TV. They’re watching a Jerry Springer rerun, for some bizarre reason. 

Right now, the show is better than discussing a fucking gift. 

Jared’s...well, they’re polar opposites. Jensen’s the kind of guy that shrinks into the shadows, hates any fuss. Despite all that he went through, Jared still retains most of his exuberance. He’s still a little vain and used to getting his own way. Things like _birthdays_ still matter to him, and usually, Jensen would just ignore it. Let the day pass and face the consequences, but this is the first birthday since Jared fell out with his father; since they managed to shed light on Andreas Padalecki’s murky practises. His mom, like usual, is a lost cause. 

Jensen met her once, and instantly recognised the blank look in her eyes, tainted by a small glint, refracting her pain to the outside world. Being around Jared is almost painful for her, and while he doesn’t understand it, he can see why she maintains her distance. That doesn’t make it right though, and if anything, Jensen’s loyalties lie with Jared. Always. 

“Honestly? Defusing a bomb is easier than finding a gift for a guy who has _everything_ ,” he snaps, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “And, I can’t be all cheesy and say, ‘my presence is your gift’. You know what Jared’s like.”

Chris snorts. “Hey, well, he’s _your_ boyfriend. I do know something that he doesn’t have.” 

Jensen looks at him questioningly, knowing fully well that his friend is too amused to have a _serious_ response, but it’s good to see him smile. He’ll take it even if it’s at his own expense. 

“Enlighten me.”

“That second number one single he’s been after?” Chris says, with eyes full of laughter. Jared might have given up on his music career, but he hasn’t left it behind completely. With his Dad indicted for fraud, most of his accounts have been seized. Jensen’s sure that some kind of trust fund is set up, but he doesn’t ask about it, and Jared doesn’t offer the information. Once they were done looking into Jared’s dad, Jared took up a position at a local music school here in town. Jensen isn’t really sure what he does exactly but he seems to enjoy it. 

He just doesn’t believe that Jared’s entirely okay with giving up his dream. 

“You really think he misses his career that much?” Jensen would be lying if he didn’t worry about it sometimes. 

This is something that Jared’s wanted his entire life. Walking away from it isn’t easy. 

“He misses something, that much I can tell you,” Chris replies. “I’m just not sure if it’s music.”

Jensen feels his chest tighten as the words sink in. 

~

It’s a pretty stupid plan as far as plans as go, but his mind is set. Jared misses his mom and as his _boyfriend_ , Jensen feels obligated to fix things somehow. 

So he invites her to lunch. 

The restaurant he selects is pretty low key. Inexpensive, with bland but pleasant enough decor. She's already waiting, a full ten minutes earlier just as he planned to be. He files that fact away for later. Quite how he plans to bring Jared and his mom together is beyond him, but he's not one to give up when he has an idea in his mind. 

He just needs to make sure that he's doing the right thing. 

That there’s something to be salvaged here.

They greet each other with an awkward, stiff handshake. He waits until she's re-seated before he takes his own seat. She eyes him quietly and he clears his throat. The one thing he's always prided himself on is getting to the bottom of something and Jared's situation with his mom has always been a conundrum that he's wanted to solve. 

He just wasn't prepared for what he found out when he actually _looked_ into things.

"Uh, so, I wanted to see you today to discuss Jared's birthday," he starts, voice uncharacteristically low. "I didn't know what to get him and I foolishly thought that maybe I could help the two of you mend fences or whatever, build bridges - both are pretty stupid metaphors anyway and--" He's rambling so he cuts himself off, takes a breath and decides to just reveal what he knows. 

"You're not his birth mother." Her eyes widen with fear and she stares at him. Her expression reminds Jensen of his own reaction. His impromptu gift idea crumbled into a small pit of desolation in his stomach. He's not the kind of person who can keep this from someone; especially someone that he's in a relationship with. He and Jared have had many an argument about his bluntness, but it's one of those things that he can't change. At least not right now. 

"How did you find out?" she asks him quietly, her voice practically a whimper. "It's all supposed to be in sealed records. If I say anything, I'll be in contempt of court." 

It doesn't explain the coldness Jared experienced at the weekly lunches but Jensen doesn't voice that opinion. 

It’s not his place to comment. 

"I have my ways," he replies. "And I wanted to understand why you were so cold towards your own son but I suppose it makes sense now. You don't care about him, do you?" 

It's an old interrogation technique. 

Say something provocative in order to jolt the detainee's demeanour, to make them defensive and open to mistakes, unbidden revelations of truth. 

"That's not true!" she exclaims. "I care about Jared very much and...I wanted to tell him, but Andreas forbid it. He made the court agree to all kinds of nonsense, I can only see him a certain amount of times per month, I can't talk about our divorce or I forfeit my rights to alimony."

"So, lying to Jared...it's worth it for the money?"

She rubs at her forehead tiredly and shakes her head. "If it was, I wouldn't be here right now. I was solely dependent on Andreas and without him, I have nothing. Jared's not mine, so I wasn't entitled to any child support or anything, so I had no choice."

Jensen doesn't press her for any more information. He's not the one that needs to hear this, not really. He's curious though. 

"His mother died when shortly after she gave birth to him," she says without him asking. "I was Andreas' assistant at the time and I helped him out. We grew close and eventually got married. I treated Jared like he was my own until…I couldn't do it anymore. I got tired of watching Andreas destroy other people and make a fool of me. Tired of him controlling me and moulding me into some kind of docile housewife. I had to leave, for the sake of my own sanity. I'm just sorry that I couldn't take Jared with me."

Jensen notes the slight pallor of her skin and the way her hands are trembling. 

Either she's a good actress or this is real. Genuine. 

He can't tell. 

There's only one person that can, and he has to convince her to come clean, once and for all. 

~

When Jensen tells Jared his mom is coming over for dinner, he freezes for a good minute, only seeming to thaw when Jensen nudges him.

“For my birthday dinner?” He seems so puzzled and lost that Jensen almost wants to hug him. He doesn’t though because as much as he’s trying, he still has an issue getting a hand on emotional contact. Offering comfort has been a _job_ for as long as he can remember and not something he does naturally, and as ridiculous as Jared makes him sometimes, there are still some barriers he hasn’t broken through. 

“Yeah,” he says gruffly. “Sorry to just spring it on you. I wasn’t sure if she was coming or not, I…actually, I went to lunch with her.”

Jared doesn’t seem too surprised, which confuses Jensen. 

“That was nice of you,” he replies. “I’m guessing that she told you that she’s not my real mom?” 

Jensen makes sure that his face remains as stoic as possible. 

He always likes to think of Jared as an open book but, he knows more than anyone that Jared keeps parts of himself hidden, the parts that he doesn’t want anyone else to see – even Jensen. With that in mind, he pushes away the feeling of hurt that Jared’s kept this from him. 

“Funny thing about parents,” Jared adds when Jensen can’t find any words. “They think putting their kid behind a door means that the kid can’t hear them. That or it just doesn’t occur to them that their ten year old son could pretty much comprehend every word of their arguments.”

“And you never said anything to her?” Jensen asks. 

Jared shakes his head. “By the time they were splitting up, there was no point. She was always my mother, you know? She’s the only one I’ve known. I just didn’t expect her to give in to my dad so easily. Even now, after everything, I don’t blame her. I mean, I do a little. She’s the ‘adult’ here and she’s treated me poorly but…I still love her.”

Jensen nods and bites down the urge to growl in frustration. All he wanted to do was give Jared a gift from the heart (whatever the hell that even _means_ ) and all he seems to be doing is dragging up Jared’s hurt. 

He hates this. 

“It’s okay, I’m not upset,” Jared tries when he catches the look on Jensen’s face. “Thank you for getting her to actually be in the same room as me. That means a lot.”

It’s still a shitty birthday present, though and Jensen finally sighs and swallows down all of his self-pity. Dinner is one thing, they can deal with that, but he at least owes Jared a decent birthday gift. 

From the heart, right?

“I didn’t know what to get you for your birthday,” he tells Jared, who’s looking at him fondly. It makes Jensen feel equal parts loved and uncomfortable and he tells himself that one day he’ll get used to it, one day this will all be normal. “And after your mom confirmed her attendance, I realised that getting her to come couldn’t really be considered a gift.”

Jared starts to protest but Jensen halts him with a raised hand. He reaches past Jared to grab an envelope on the table. It’s probably really stupid, but he has a feeling that Jared will like it. He hands it to Jared, and tries not to snatch it back when it leaves his hands. 

“I know that I’m still not great at the whole _expressing my feelings_ thing, but I wanted you to know that even though I don’t say it often, I feel a lot for you and I would be lost if you weren’t in my life, and I just wanted to…put it in writing, I guess?” Jensen hates the way that last part comes out as a question but everything he’s just said is past his remit anyway. 

Emotions. 

They’re messy and unpredictable and the fact that he’s basically sharing that with another person scares the hell out of him. 

Perhaps that’s the beauty of it all. He doesn’t know. 

Jared busies himself with opening the letter quickly, creasing the envelope slightly. He reads quickly, eyes tracking the page as he mouths certain words. After a while he looks up. Jensen wants to take a step back when he sees that Jared’s eyes are glistening slightly but he remains where he is, watches as the lines of Jared’s throat move up and down. 

“It’s a little cheesy, but I’ll take it,” Jared says eventually, small smile forming on his face. “My very own love letter.”

Jensen frowns. “It’s _not_ a love letter.” It kind of is but _whatever_. They’re just going to have to come up with a better name for it. 

Jared leans in close and whispers, “It kinda is. And I love it. Thank you.” He looks a darn sight happier than he did during the conversation about his mom and Jensen’s willing to take this as a win. 

He rolls his eyes fondly. “Well, I’m glad you like the love letter.”

Jared grins. “I _love_ the love letter.”

Jensen sighs, rolling his eyes again at how amused Jared is with himself. 

He’s never going to hear the end of this. 


End file.
